


Don't Always Make It Out Alive Together

by Captain_Twinkie



Series: In A World Where We... [6]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Death, Five Stages of Grief, Good Loki, Identity Crisis?, M/M, Tony Stark's Soul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 18:01:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1275781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Twinkie/pseuds/Captain_Twinkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was always a chance where someone in the team wouldn't make it through a battle. Everyone thought it would be either Clint or Natasha (no armor, exposed, etc...) but no one figured maybe the man encased in the 'iron' suit would be the first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Always Make It Out Alive Together

**Author's Note:**

> After experiencing my own grieving process last year around this time (and still), I realized I needed to write a Steve/Tony one. 
> 
> This can also be known as 'The Five Stages Of Grief'

_  
"Tony!" Usually Steve made sure everyone stuck to their codenames. Rarely the Captain became upset enough to slip out their names but this time was different. Steve could feel it surround his organs and rush through his veins that something was terribly wrong._

_The big baddie today had taken its sweet time coming out from the ocean to show itself to the Avengers. Thankfully (kind of) was that it wasn't a creation from Loki so they didn't have to deal with Thor becoming sentimental in the middle of defeating it and putting everyone in danger. The bad thing was apparently there wasn't a creator and no one had any idea where this creature originated from._

_If Steve had to guess, he thought it reminded him a lot of Harry Potter. The creature was tall, not quite like Godzilla but close. It resembled a dog, dragon and human if he had to identify with the thing's face. Just because it was tall didn't make it large width wise, Clint's arrows were making good with blowing chunks out of its paws, face and back. But it was growing smarter and shielding its chest (Tony laughed and knew exactly where the weak point was now)._

_For eight hours straight, they contained the Dragzilla (Really Clint, that's stupid) to the open space between land and ocean._

_Natasha and Clint were exhausted, Steve judged, by their sluggish movements and Clint had run out of arrows so he was navigating Thor and Tony to blast the beast backwards._

_Tony's genius plan was to put the creature back into the ocean and drown it. Thor wanted to strike it with lightening but Tony calmly explained that might kill other harmless animals, and maybe even Tony. He doesn't think he ever saw Thor blush that red before._

_Just as the creature made a mighty roar and vanished into the ocean, dragon tail nearly bashing Thor in the head, Steve sighed and looked up at Tony who was hovering before the water._

_"If it came from the ocean, don't you think it'll survive longer? There's not exactly a good reason it'll drown."_

_Tony waved a hand with an dismissive air, faceplate shining in the afternoon sun._

_"Actually I do, Cap." Tony was smiling, he could hear it through the comm. "JARVIS managed to scan where Hawkeye's arrow hit and blew a chunk off its chest and the thing has lungs, only able to hold about 10 minutes of oxygen."_

_Steve nodded, "Wait, can you-"_

_Tony was already diving towards the water, saluting Thor as he passed by._

_"Steve- I got this, sweetheart. Have some faith in me."_

_Then he broke the surface with an astounding noise and it was silent. Which meant Tony had JARVIS disconnect the comm. so he could concentrate on his job._

_The Avengers minus Tony, gathered on the beach in silence, staring at the choppy water with hopeful thoughts._

_Five minutes. Ten minutes. Fifteen. Twenty._

_"Steve..." Natasha sounded concerned and Steve tried not to have a full out panic attack at that. The Captain was trying his hardest to ignore the nagging feeling that something went terribly wrong._

_"Cap, I don't-" Clint began until they spotted the armor shooting extremely fast out of the water and landing a few feet away from them on the sand._

_"Bruce!" Steve yelled as he noticed Tony wasn't moving and they all sprinted over. The scientist was huddled under a blanket but seeing that his attention was required, hurried over._

_Thor ripped off the faceplate but it didn't seem like he should've done that since JARVIS was in charge._

_"Tony?" Steve kneeled at his shoulder, peering down at his closed eyes. His lips were blue and skin was a sickly yellow. "Clint, call SHIELD now!" He demanded. Both Natasha and Clint walked off to call and wait for the paramedics. Bruce kneeled on the other side and sighed, gaining complete control over himself._

_"We need to get the armor off him."_

_Steve immediately tried to find the latch-_

_"Override voice required." JARVIS spoke from the helmet and Steve blinked in surprise for a second and looked at Bruce with confusion._

_"Hey, you two are..." Bruce gestured wildly at Steve who blushed but turned back to the armor._

_"Uhm, Override: Steve Rogers?"_

_There was silence and Steve figured they were out of luck and Tony was going to die without any help when there was a hissing sound._

_"Voice override detected: Steve Rogers."_

_The armor opened but Tony still didn't move, without a moment more, Bruce was starting on CPR, counting under his breath. Steve could only watch in striken horror but refused to just believe Tony couldn't wake up. Bruce cursed softly and began compressions; the Arc Reactor was dark._

_Ten minutes. Thirteen minutes._

_There were sirens and shouting voices but all Steve could see was Bruce trying to breath air back into Tony's lungs all the while screaming at the fallen genius to wake up._

_Someone grabbed Bruce off of his best friend and for once he didn't Hulk out, just fell silent with tears and rushed off. Paramedics were ordering others for machines and a gurney. Their voices were distant, a roaring sound filling Steve's ears as he just sat on his knees and stared blankly at the closed eyes and open mouth of his teammate, of his lover._

**Denial**

The Avengers were put on 'family leave' until further notice. Fury reassured them the world was safe with the other superheroes out there. The man was oddly soft spoken but gruff when Clint tried to refuse. 

Basically, they were stuck in the mansion and no one had any idea what to do. Steve realized Natasha and Clint might handle Tony's death differently; wanting to fight and kill whatever passed them by. Their days consisted of sparring in the basement/gym for long hours and then watching graphic and loud movies with a lot of explosives. Sometimes Steve would sit at the table at 2am and hear Clint cursing over the noisy music Tony would play to get their blood pumping. When they came in contact with him or Bruce, they were deadly silent but would sometimes brush past them to show they were ok and were there for everyone if need be. 

Bruce stayed in his lab and played classical music on full blast, ignoring JARVIS. The door that led to Tony's was blacked out and doubled locked. It was as if Bruce's best friend didn't die, to him he just didn't exist. 

Thor was either with Jane, Asgard or sat at the bar of Tony's and emptied out his entire liquor cabinet. Sometimes Steve would find the Asgardian slumped over the counter bawling his eyes out. More often than not, Thor put on a smiling front for Steve and talked about Tony like the man had just gone on a very long vacation. 

Steve, on the other hand, it was pure torture. 

He didn't want to shove it in anyone else's face that he knew Tony better because there were things that the rest of the team knew about the genius that Steve didn't and vice versa. He guessed the fact they were intimate and dating for over two years was a major thing to him. 

Steve spent his evenings in Tony's-their bedroom, sitting at the edge of the freshly made bed and stared at the wall for hours on end. When his stomach clenched with the need for food, he gathered two sandwiches and went down to the workshop of Tony's, sitting on the ratty couch and listened to the whirling of Dum-E as he ate. 

"Captain Rogers." JARVIS greeted him on a rough evening as he came through the glass doors and sat on the couch, plate full of fruit on his lap. 

Steve, not used to hearing the AI speak in three weeks, startled and dropped the plate onto the floor. The porcelain cracked and some of the fruit scattered upon impact. Upon hearing the shatter, Dum-E beeped to life and rolled over with a broom. 

Steve stared dumbly as the robot swept the broken pieces into a pile and rolled away, working on something else. 

"Dum-E." He scowled, glaring as the robot turned, camera lens bobbing up and down as it focused on him. "You need to sweep this in the trash." He paused and bent down to gather it angrily in his palms. Steve continued, "You can't just leave it here. You know how Tony gets...He never looks exactly where he's walking and that'd be the day he doesn't wear shoes." Steve bounced back onto his feet and rushed over to the trash can, dumping the broken plate and just as he went to glare at the robot again, his mind caught up to what he was saying and he felt the blood drain from his face. 

"I, uh, I mean. You need to-" Steve ran a rough hand through his hair, "Forget it. Shut down."

Dum-E automatically went still and the shop went silent. 

Steve looked around the empty shop, the silence and cleanliness was overwhelming and he wanted to scream just to have some sort of sound. 

"Captain Rogers." JARVIS began. 

Instead of jumping, Steve just tensed up. 

"Yeah?"

"I apologize for startling you." The AI replied, sounding a bit pitying, "But you do realize that Sir is deceased."

Steve's mouth dried and his gut clenched with something other than hunger; dread and determination.

He knew, deep down, this was true. Tony Stark was dead. Steve and the others had buried him three weeks ago. 

But something in his mind was refusing to budge. His heart was hurt but it still beat with a tingle of hope that maybe this wasn't true. Anticipation rang through his mind that Tony would walk through those doors one day, smile and joke about how much he missed everyone but Clint. Steve imagined the grand genuine smile on the older man's face, dressed in that pin stripe grey suit, yellow sunglasses and bright red shoes. How everyone will greet him, Thor and Steve the brightest. Clint would prank Tony as a 'I missed you, dumbass' gift and Natasha would give the man a once over to see if he was well intact. Bruce would entice him to the lab while Thor slapped his back. Before Tony vanished downstairs, he'd wink at Steve and blow a kiss. 

The shitty part was, he still felt like that was going to happen. 

Steve squared his shoulders, jaw flexing with stubborn determination and he raised an unimpressed eyebrow up at the ceiling, though Tony laughed and said JARVIS rarely 'saw' people's expressions or eyes. The AI usually scanned or recognized voices or stature. 

"I can't accept that right now, JARVIS." Steve marched towards the door, riding the high that perhaps Tony can come back, "Goodnight."

**Anger**

Anger happened exactly three days later when they all went to de-brief with Fury about their time off and then get checked out with a therapist. Whenever something traumatic happened, they were sent to be analyzed. Steve didn't usually care much for the questions because most of the time, nothing was too traumatic unless they brought up his life Before and the ice.

"You've lost a bit of weight, Captain." The doctor greeted after Steve resumed putting his clothes on. The blonde sat on the overly plush chair and placed his hands on the table. 

"Natasha refuses to go shopping with Thor." He joked. 

Judging by the dry but startled expression on the man's face, Steve's response wasn't normal. 

Sometimes mimicking Tony came real handy. 

The doctor sat across from Steve and flipped through his folder, obviously ignoring Steve's last words. 

"Every Avenger has done this." The doctor explained, scribbling on a piece of paper. Steve kept his blue eyes focused on the man, knowing it was making him uncomfortable. "I want to ask you a few questions about the latest experience."

"C'mon." Steve goaded, a bit irritated, "You can just say the death of Tony. I'm not going to go into a fit and destroy something." He waved his right hand out and the man followed the gesture, "No shield."

The doctor cleared his throat. 

"Yes, well. The death of Tony has different impacts on your team. I want to begin to discuss how you've been handling it."

Steve's eyes narrowed, "How do you think I'm handling it? I'm going through the motions just like the others. I eat, sleep and spend plenty of time with my team."

"Yes but mentally-"

"Mentally what?" Steve barked, his vision going red at the edges but inside it felt like he was on fire, "Mentally I'm determined to see this through. I have four other teammates that need me, Doctor. I can't grieve over a fallen soldier while I still need to protect the others."

The doctor blinked, face flushing with embarassement. Steve figured he should shove back the anger but it was flowing through his veins and it felt amazing. 

"Captain, please calm down." The man squeaked. 

"What do you people want from me?" Steve slammed his palms onto the table, jolting the other man. Steve saw him press a button underneath the wood, "I can't grieve properly when I'm still trying to come to terms with my friends from the 1940s! I can't let Stark's untimely death bring me down. Why don't you people just leave me and my team alone?!" The super human strength caused the wood to warp under his fingertips. His hearing picked up shouts and running coming down the corridor. 

"I'm fine!" Steve growled, "My team is fine! We're fine!"

The door banged open and Steve turned his head to see Fury, three agents holding guns and his team in the doorway. Granted, the team looked extremely uncomfortable and looking ready to flee. 

"Captain Rogers." Fury said dangerously low, hand on his own gun. "Step away from the doctor."

Steve had to wrench his fingers from the table, not even wincing as he brought back fingers with millions of splinters inside. 

The blonde rolled his shoulders, face blanking off to indifference but his eyes were blazing with unleashed anger. As he passed Fury and the agents, he came very close to the Director. 

"Next time we brief, I get to stay with my team. We'll be in touch, Director Fury, perhaps in another month." Steve-No, Captain America ordered with finality and strode off, the team scurrying after him. Even Natasha was a bit dazed and stuck close to Clint's side. 

~*~

"Did you hear the wood splinter?" Bruce whispered to Clint who nodded with wide eyes. 

"The Captain is unwell." Thor replied, whispering too, "He is unable to process the loss of our dear friend."

The team, minus Steve who was listening on the other side of the wall, were in the living room talking about earlier at SHIELD. 

"I thought he was okay." Bruce sighed, rubbing at his temples. "I guess looks can be deceiving."

"Interestingly enough," Natasha cut in, sounding impressed, "Steve happened to mimic Stark's actions to hide behind his pain."

Clint huffed a laugh, "Tony rubbed off on all of us." It was choked and Steve could hear the beginnings of a crying fest among them. He wanted to go in and embrace them, sit there and speak about his actions and let out his own suppressed tears but the anger was itching under his skin. 

"Good evening, Captain Rogers." JARVIS greeted as he stormed through the shop before he made a mess of the hallway. "Your levels are rising in the red, sir. May I suggest you release what ails you."

All he really wanted to do was grab his shield and slam it into something that would make him feel better. The anger consumed him and he ran his blunt nails over his exposed arms, gritting his teeth as it only intensified. 

"Am I poisoned?" He managed, pacing like a caged tiger. 

"No, sir." The AI said after a moment. "I suspect you are suffering from intense anger." A pause, "Is this connected to what the others are speaking about that happened at SHIELD headquarters?" JARVIS inquired. 

Steve laughed at how smart Tony made his AI. 

"Yeah, it is." 

"Perhaps your anger was justifiable." 

Steve cocked his head and smiled a little at the corner of the room, where he knows a camera is. It really doesn't matter anymore because Tony wasn't there to check up on them via cameras throughout the mansion. 

"I-He was being an asshole." Steve shook his head and spotted the worktable and Tony's personal stool. The tall man ambled over and hopped onto it, placing his hands on the table and sighed, feeling the anger slowly leave his body. "I guess I understand why they're doing this. I just hate how they treated his...they treated it like just an accident, like a building was smashed or something."

"Just like you are, sir?" JARVIS piped up, "Apologies for assuming incorrectly. I have been monitoring and your actions have proven to me that you are unable to, as Mister Odinson spoke of, process the death of one Tony Stark."

Steve winced at the word 'death'. 

"He's not..He's not..." Steve cleared his throat, moisture gathering at the rims of his blue eyes but he shoved them back and rolled his shoulders as if the feelings were an annoying fly. "We still need hope." He narrowed his eyes down at the table, too clean for his liking, "They gave up just like everyone else! And so are you! You're supposed to be-"

"I may just be an Artificial Intelligence, Captain Rogers." JARVIS interrupted his ranting smoothly, "But I have detected Sir's passing while he was underwater, I have yet to feel or gather knowledge of his presence as alive. I am afraid to accept he is not-"

"MUTE!" Steve shouted, shoving from the table and knocked down the stool. The metal grated on his hearing as it dragged along the floor. Yet, he wasn't satisfied. The papers and books Tony was always scanning were picked up and thrown in different directions, chairs and the couch were overturned and tossed away. Steve didn't damage the computers or the robots but he did hit the red flashing button to slide open the entire wall full of Iron Man armors. There were just ten, all in different shades of color and sizes. Steve, acting like a hungry tiger, paced the length of the windows, staring into the armors, remembering when Tony used them. 

He was almost okay again, chest heaving and the tears were about to spill, for once he needed to cry, when he stopped at the very last armor. 

It was damaged, the faceplate missing, laying somewhere at its feet, blood was caked inside the head piece. The paramedics claimed Tony had drowned, his oxygen running out within 10 minutes but later, after examining his body and the armor, he had smashed his head so hard from running out of oxygen and becoming delirious. 

Steve didn't believe it. Tony wasn't that damn stupid. 

Steve found his shield at the base of the stairs and strode purposefully back into the shop, ignoring Dum-E who beeped confused as he tried to sweep up the mess. Without a second thought, Steve brought up his shield and slammed it hard into the glass. Two more and it shattered, setting off the alarm.

When the team came rushing down, weapons raised, Steve the guy that needed to cry and let go, was replaced by Captain America, who was fire-burning angry inside and cold as stone outside. 

"Cap." Clint caught on quickly and lowered his bow. 

Natasha made a jerking motion with her head and Bruce disabled the alarms. 

"I don't know what everyone is staring at." Captain America snarled. 

"This is truly saddening, my Captain." Thor frowned deeply, "I have heard of an identity crisis but this..."

"This nothing." Natasha cut him off and stepped forward. The red head dropped her deadly expression and softened her eyes and smiled sadly up at the blonde. "Let's go spar, Captain. It'll help you." She held out her arm, hair falling over her shoulder. The others waited in tense silence before their Captain lowered his own weapon and placed Natasha's hand through his arm and led her slowly away. 

"Holy shit." Clint breathed out and slumped against the glass of the unbroken window of the other armor. "I thought he was gonna kill us."

"I'm worried guys." Bruce walked over and studied the destroyed window but he cut his eyes away from the armor, eyes flashing green before he calmed himself. "Something needs to be done before we lose Steve."

"I agree." Clint straightened up, "First he was using Stark's actions as a rebuffer now he's hiding behind his Captain America persona." The archer leaned forward, uncertain eyes darting at the door Nat and Steve vanished through, "By the way, that shit was scary."

Thor nodded, serious and flexed his fingers around his hammer. 

"I concur, my friends. I shall take my leave for Asgard. Perhaps I can talk with Frigga about potions to ease our Captain into acceptance."

Bruce's face scrunched up, "Just don't make it a forcing potion, Thor. We don't need him having a mental break down and doing something worse than this." He inclined his head to the shop and the smashed window. 

"Do not worry." Thor promised and left the shop, determined in his strides. 

Dum-E beeped pathetically as he reached Clint and Bruce. The two men sighed and helped the robot with cleaning everything up again. 

**Bargaining**

Thor stayed in Asgard for another week before arriving back at the mansion with not potions as he promised them, but his annoying brother Loki. 

Clint had his bow and arrow aimed right at Loki's eyeball before anyone could feel the wind shift in the room by the Gods entering. 

"Clint, stand down." Bruce ordered softly, touching the man's shoulder gently. Clint glared, deadly promise in his eyes but didn't lower his weapon. 

"I promise you that I am not here to cause harm." Loki raised his hands in surrender but did actually step behind Thor to shield himself. The younger God didn't look crazy anymore, his long hair was cut to lay relaxed on his neck and he actually had color to his face. It was like years were reduced and neither of them doubted that. "I came to speak with your sick Captain."

Clint growled, teeth gritting and he pulled the string back taunt. 

Loki flinched. 

"Clint." Natasha snapped and the archer automatically froze and lowered the arrow. The red head came into the room, arms crossed and approached Loki with a judging eye. "We were told Thor was bringing potions."

Loki stepped away and smiled softly, "Mother forbade potions since they would only lengthen the Captain's process. I am here just to speak-"

"Loki?" Steve's voice sounded wrecked and everyone turned to spot the blonde standing in the room dressed in pajamas. 

Apparently, for some reason, everyone waited for Steve to go batshit crazy and sling his shield (which was locked up with Bruce) at Loki's neck. Sometimes the Captain came out and sometimes it was poor little Steve. Captain America more often than not, didn't trust anyone and actually managed to place Natasha in a headlock once. Thankfully, she just went limp until he figured she was out for the count and left. The others feared more for Steve's life than Nat's. 

No one expected in a thousand years for Steve to literally run over and drop to Loki's feet like a slave and stare up at the God with wide pleading blue eyes. 

Even Loki looked entirely uncomfortable and fidgety. 

"Is this normal?" Loki asked quietly while staring down at a kneeling Steve. 

"Are you normal?" Clint blanched, "Where the fuck is your brother, Thor?"

"I don't quite understand." Thor frowned at the archer, "This is clearly Loki-"

"He's all...nice and clean and young and...and he's not screaming 'kneel bloody mortals!'" Clint freaked. 

Loki shot an annoyed look at Clint, green eyes clear but irritated. 

"I will have you know-" The dark haired God stopped when Steve grasped his hands and he looked back down at him. "Captain, you really should stand."

"You need to help me!"

Loki stared into Steve's eyes before raising them to each Avenger with a silent order that they all accepted and silently left the room. Okay, they were all, including Thor, peering around the doorway. 

"I will help you but you must stand."

Steve nodded eagerly, clambering to his feet but was still clutching Loki's hands. Loki gently led the taller man over to the couch and they sat down, hands still clasped. 

"What do you need help with?" Loki questioned. "I was aware of your crisis with Tony Stark and you unable to determine who you truly are."

Steve's eyebrows drew together in pure confusion, "What? I'm Steve Rogers."

Loki smiled, "Yes, but you seem to be hiding underneath your Captain America persona to protect yourself and the others."

Steve stared at him before shaking his head, "Look, it doesn't matter I need-"

"What you need," Loki interrupted gently, "Is to accept his death."

"No, no." Steve continued to shake his head, "I can't do that. Loki, you-you do magic, right?"

"Well," Loki's eyes widened a bit, "Yes, I do." The God frowned, pity and sadness, "You are not thinking clearly."

"Of course I am!" Steve jumped up, running his hands through his already messy hair. "I mean, it hasn't been that long. Tony...I mean you can just fix him."

"I'm afraid I cannot reverse time."

"Sure you can!" Steve laughed, a bit hysterically. "Please, you need to help me."

Loki, cold as he once was for these mortals and their hidden emotions and intentions, felt like he was once in Steve's position. Maybe not exactly similar since no one in Loki's life had died but within himself. 

"I cannot bring back your lover, Steve Rogers." Loki said more firmly. "Even if I was within the perfect time frame, I cannot simply put his soul back in the body."

The absolutely wrecked expression that filtered over Steve's face was enough to make even stone statues weep. Loki felt his throat close with emotion and stood slowly. 

"I'll give you anything." Steve tried again, choking on his own emotions, "Please, anything. The serum inside me...my own life. I don't care."

Loki remained still and silent, eyes portraying everything towards the other man. 

Steve let out a noise but it haunted Loki that the man didn't cry. There were no tears or other sounds coming from him. 

"You must accept the reality." 

"No." 

Loki looked away before sighing and holding out his palm, green magic sparking. "Here."

Steve's eyes drifted from the green magic to Loki's eyes. 

"I cannot bring him back...but, I come baring excellent news. That is the true reason why I am here, Captain. To show you to accept."

Steve tore his eyes away from Loki's sincere green orbs and back at the magic. The lights in the room dimmed and Loki stepped back to make room for the projection. The magic fell from his palm and landed on the floor before growing larger and wider until they could see what it manifested into. 

It was a castle, even if everything was green, Steve could tell by the pillars and windows. In the middle of the room was a massive table with food and drinks. Men were sitting around, laughing and talking with each other. Steve wanted to ask why Loki was showing him this when it zoomed away to a lone figure in the castle, a different room this time. 

The figure made Steve catch his breath as he turned around and seemed to stare straight at the God and Steve. He smiled brightly, waving and then gestured beside him to where Steve could barely see another figure. 

"That is an Iron Man suit." Loki piped up. Steve nodded numbly. 

Tony was speaking but it seemed Loki's magic couldn't project that out loud. The way he was talking was so much like him, hands gesturing wildly as he stepped backwards. The only difference was there was no Arc Reactor in his chest. 

"The glowing circle does not need to be attached to him anymore. His soul does not require it." Loki explained softly. 

Tony waved happily and Steve squinted just in time to see the man mouth 'Steve' before the image was cut off and the magic smoke was gone. The lights resumed their brightness and Steve blinked, rubbing at his eyes. 

"Where was that?"

"That was Valhalla." Loki grinned, "Where the best warriors go to feast and then go on to their afterlife. Tony Stark has made the best and designed another suit."

"It's not a trick, right?" Steve sounded suspicious.

"No, I swear to you." Loki met his eyes dead on. "I am not the cruel man you met years ago, Captain. Like you, I went through my own crisis on finding who I was. I hid behind the monster so I did not feel. I let it go and I cannot tell you how much lighter I am now."

Steve's lips twitched and he ducked his head with a smile. The soldier held out his hand unexpectedly, smile still on his face. 

"Thank you." Steve whispered. 

Loki clasped his forearm, the Asgardian hand-shake Steve mused, and smiled back. 

"My pleasure. I have brought potions to help ease-"

"No, no. I-I appreciate the help but...I need to just keep going." The smile was shaky but Loki accepted it and let go of the man's arm with a little bow and turned to see the others coming back in. 

When Steve went to bed that night, there was a tiny clear box on his nightstand. When he peered into it, green smoke swirled and Tony appeared, smiling and gesturing towards his new armor. If Steve tried hard enough, he could see Tony mouth his name again. 

"I miss you so much, Tony." Were the choked words as he closed his eyes. 

Inside the box, Tony frowned and looked away, wiping at his eyes before the smoke vanished. 

 

**Depression**

"Steve, we're going out for dinner. C'mon." Bruce knocked on the bedroom door for the tenth time that evening. 

The figure huddled underneath the blankets groaned, eyes squeezed shut but didn't make a move. 

"Steve." Bruce begged. "We haven't seen you in a couple days..."

"'m not hungry."

Bruce tried to get in but Steve had managed to double lock it just for that reason. After realizing he wasn't going to win, Bruce huffed and walked away. Steve nodded and buried his face deeper in the pillows. The calendar on the stand read May 17th and Steve's heart squeezed painfully, today marked the 10th month since-

The door splintered and half of it fell to the floor. Steve flailed and spun around, twisting the sheets around his legs when he saw Thor ease himself back into a standing position. The God looked fierce in his plaid shirt and jeans but scary when he literally just broke Steve's heavy duty door down. 

"Captain." Thor began, "We require your assistance at the restaurant. If you refuse-"

"Okay, okay." Steve got up and rummaged through his closet for pants and a shirt. "You didn't need to do that."

"I might've overreacted." Bruce shrugged shyly and Steve couldn't help but chuckle. Thor and Bruce waited until he was dressed before leading him downstairs and into the cab waiting for them. 

Steve knew what they were all doing and he tried his hardest to put on a brave front (without hiding behind Captain America) for his team. Loki sometimes visited and Steve found himself bonding with the other God over hot tea and stories of when they were children. 

Loki brought up Tony and how well he was doing in his own afterlife. 

"But I am worried." Loki spoke up as he stirred sugar in the china cup Bruce usually drank out of. 

"Why?"

"It seems, while Stark is finally where he needs to be, he is attached to Earth because of you."

Steve was startled, "Me? What did I do?"

Loki smiled reassuring, "Calm yourself, Steve. The team, I know you see it, are finally letting go of their friend. The only person who isn't, is you. The soul of your lover is very attached to you, while you fight this process and refuse to accept the facts, he frets and grows agitated."

Steve didn't believe him at all. 

Later in the day, the box that he looked into everyday, was glowing again and Tony was inside, pacing and yelling while staring straight into Steve's eyes. The older man was tugging at his hair and crying with frustration. 

"Tony." He whispered, heartbroken and the Tony inside the box paused, arms going limp at his sides, pleading. "I just can't yet."

Tony threw his hands up and paced away from him, ending the magic. 

Now Steve was reminded how terrible he was being to everyone and Tony. He shunned his friends for months, never joining them for sparring sessions or movie night. He should, it was their plan to get back into the groove. He wanted to feel so angry that they just let Tony go so easily but sometimes he overheard one of them crying or staying up all night, staring blankly at the bar or ramp that Iron Man used. On their own level, they knew it wasn't helping if they clung to Tony and the past anymore. One day soon, Fury was going to cancel their 'vacation' and they were going to go back to battling. 

The distance Steve was wedging between them was the worst thing possible. Not only was he severing the bonds but he was their leader. 

Steve focused on his friends at the restaurant, genuinely laughing when Thor threw a wine glass on the floor or when Natasha kept stealing Clint's veggies. He discussed when they should be back on the field and next week's training schedule. They joked, laughed and got misty eyed when someone came over to wish them the best (since Tony was gone). 

Later that night, no matter how much Steve wanted to crawl under his blankets and sleep forever, he ignored the urge and sat with his friends in the living room, watched an action movie and allowed them to speak of Tony freely. He continued to ignore the feeling that the dam was about to break any second now. 

**Acceptance**

It wasn't until a year and three months since Tony left them, that Steve noticed something had changed. 

It was a spring day, birds singing and the air was warm that it dawned on Steve that he hadn't been inside the workshop in months. 

"Hey, we're going to the park. Coming?" Natasha asked him as he entered the elevartor. The others were smiling, excited for the warm weather. Loki was dressed in civvies, something they all found him doing the more time he stayed with them. 

"Nah, I got something to do." Steve clutched his clear box in between his palms. Natasha touched his hand briefly and walked out with the others when the door opened for the main floor. Steve stayed in the car, smiling at each of them warmly. Loki placed his hand on the doors before they shut and leaned forward. 

"It is about time." Loki eyed the box before stepping back and allowing the doors to slide shut. Steve had no idea what he meant and shoved it from his mind for the moment. 

"Hello, Captain Rogers." JARVIS greeted warmly as he entered the shop. The lights brightened and the windows raised to allow in the spring air. Steve felt like his heart was encased in a block of ice as it thawed. DUM-E greeted him with a chirp, one claw raised to dust off the windows in front of the armors. They were constantly on display now and Steve didn't mind so much. Bruce even fixed the last one. 

"Hey, Jarvis." Steve walked over to the table and placed the box down. "Is there energy coming from this box?"

Blue scanners appeared and roamed slowly over the box but JARVIS didn't answer, instead there was another blue light like a hologram that expanded onto the floor in front of Steve and it grew. Steve grabbed for the table so he didn't fall over as the hologram became 3D and more detailed. 

Color replaced the blue code and Steve's breath was a gasp as it escaped his mouth. 

Tony blinked his eyes opened and smiled brightly at Steve. 

"Tony?" Steve choked out, reaching a shaky hand out but instead of connecting with cloth and flesh, it passed right through him. 

"That tickles." Tony's eyes tracked the quick movement of Steve pulling away like he was burned. "Hey there, Cap. Look at you, all scared and stuff."

"You-I can hear you."

Tony raised an eyebrow, "Very observant. It's all Loki's plan." He spread his arms out with a wide grin, "Awesome, yeah?"

The more Tony talked, the more solid he became. 

"Loki's plan?" Steve parroted. 

"Yep." Tony nodded, eyes not leaving Steve's, "He's a good guy. God. Whatever. He's helping you along so I really like him right now."

Steve smiled and straightened up so he could let his eyes roam over Tony's form. 

"Is it really you or-?"

"Sort of." Tony shrugged, "My soul or whatever weird jumbo crap Loki spewed out. I'm here is all that counts, yeah?"

"Why all this time?" Steve asked, "I-I needed you months ago." 

Tony frowned, "I couldn't. You blocked me out and refused to acknowledge me."

"I-" Steve began to protest loudly but Tony raised a hand to cut him off. 

"C'mon, I would've stopped your progress."

Even though it hurt, it was true. 

Steve noticed Tony wasn't wavering anymore and reached out, this time his fingers brushed over soft cloth so he touched Tony's face and it was like a dam broke inside. 

Tony smiled, the pull of skin underneath Steve's hands was the final push and he burst into tears. They flowed freely down his cheeks, burning his dry eyes but his heart was cracking. The other man reached out to mimic Steve's hand on his cheek and brushed his thumb over the tear tracks. Steve embraced him with a loud sob, tucking him close and marveling in the warm presence against him. The only weird part was that Tony wasn't breathing and there wasn't a heartbeat. 

"Go ahead, big guy. Let it all out." Tony soothed, a hand rubbing his back. 

So Steve did. He cried and cursed Tony for being an idiot and squeezed harder. Finally he pulled back, knowing he looked a sight. But the love shining in Tony's eyes was enough for the blonde to ignore it. 

"I think I need to go." Tony said suddenly, hands gripping Steve's shoulders. The shorter man looked startled but it smoothed out to happiness and acceptance. Just like Steve felt inside. 

"Forever?" 

Tony looked like he wanted to make a crude joke, Steve saw the glint in his eyes before it vanished, "Yeah, sweetheart. Maybe if I make nice with Loki next time instead of throwing him threw a window, I can visit...But...you know I can't always."

Tears were tracking down Steve's red face again but he was okay with it, they were long overdue. And they made Tony smile, understanding this was okay. 

"As long as I see you at the very end."

Tony grinned, wide and boyish. "Shit, I'm shoving everyone else out of the way so I'm first." He winked. Slowly, code started appearing over his skin and he frowned, gripping Steve harder. "Come give me a nice kiss."

Steve didn't hesitate and leaned down to fulfill that last wish for both of them before Tony slowly began to vanish. 

"Thank you." Tony breathed, like the weight of the world was lifted from his shoulders, "Love you."

"I love you." Steve replied strongly.

The room was empty expect for the spring breeze and DUM-E appearing at his side, chirping happily. 

"Yeah, buddy." Steve patted him on the claw, "There goes daddy."

**Author's Note:**

> I realized not always does a person experience the stages in order and they don't always leave so soon and switch.


End file.
